Yesterday, we celebrated Raksha Bandhan (Literally meaning A bond of Protection). Our family traditionally ties ‘rakhdi’ (the thread symbolizing the bond) around not just our brothers but also each other. I’ve got very fond memories of celebrating in India surrounded by family.
It’s different here in the USA. We celebrated after coming from work. It’s not a holiday as it is in India. It was good. Rituals have now come to mean more to me than ever before. Also, made phone calls to India, skyped with family in India and watched my baby niece show her antics. It cheers me up.
But this morning, I saw the video of the Little Boy Omran from Aleppo. It has left me feeling so overwhelmed and helpless. My heart is shattered. No one deserves this. No One. I normally keep my thoughts to myself but not today. I am in tears. Even thinking about him makes me cry. I am sure a lot of others are feeling the same. Today, the feeling of helplessness is crippling me.
I want him to feel just as safe and secure as my little baby niece feels. In the case of my niece, I can at least ensure my voice is heard. How do I make my voice heard by Omran? Will he know how much he is loved? Ever?
I work as a chaplain and I have learned to be able to ‘handle’ trauma. But I am also taught how to work through it. What about him? He is one child. Countless others are suffering. They need more than prayers. I know that. I do not have an answer today and it saddens me.
I wish I could just tie a ‘rakhdi’ to the Earth (just like the photo above) to ensure everyone is protected. Maybe that’ll be comforting.
In my mind, I am tying a ‘rakhdi’ on your wrist, Omran. I hope you know you are loved and cared for – I truly do.
May the lord of all beings protect you,
May the one who creates, preserves and dissolves life protect thee,
May Govinda guard thy head; Kesava, thy neck; Vishnu, thy belly;
the eternal Narayana, thy face, thine arms, thy mind, and faculties of sense;
May all negativity and fears, spirits malignant and unfriendly, flee thee;
May Rishikesa keep you safe in the sky; and Mahidhara, upon earth. – Vishnu Purana 5.5.14-23
Leap Day 2016. Monday, February 29, 2016. Happy Leap Year!
February is birthday month for yours truly. And this year, like every year since 2012, I have been trying to be more mindful of my feelings as my birthday nears. I am a bit amused that my blog post on Leap Day 2012 was short and focussed briefly on the concept of Time.
Leap Day 2012 – I was happy with where I was in life, both personally and professionally. I was convinced that I will be getting married soon, will be working for my favorite long term care organization, and will be pursuing my MBA.
Leap Day 2016 – None of the above has happened. I am single, working for a major hospital system, and pursuing a Master’s degree in a field I had never even considered before.
Leading up to my birthday this year, I was feeling a bit bummed. The struggle has been internal – not being where I thought I would be at this age personally. I think growing up in the culture from which I come, I already had a vision for myself of what my life would look like at this age – a good husband, a good job, good in-laws and the capacity to be able to take care of them and my parents as well. It is even harder at times to imagine what my parents have to put up with as they stand by me in my atypical life.
Professionally, my 2012 self could not, in the wildest of dreams, have dreamt that I would be working as a hospital chaplain. I feel so aligned with this work – it is almost as if my soul sought this out for me. The dimension it has opened for me especially in terms of understanding my own faith is second to none. The potential of this work and the opportunities to serve through it really excite me.
So back to my birthday – Every birthday, a ritual that I have developed for myself is to go through all of the birthday cards I’ve received so far since I was two. Yes, my aunt gave me a birthday card when I turned two. This annual ritual helps me appreciate all the love that those cards represent while also reminding me of people who no longer are an active part of my daily life. While that does sound sad, it is actually oddly comforting. It is as if all the loves in the birthday cards rejuvenate me and fill me up with gratitude.
While there are questions and personal doubts even, I feel a sense of peace within. The trajectory of life continues to amaze me. I intend to continue to remind myself of the awesomeness that surrounds me daily. I am convinced that I am not alone. I intend to be the best version of Shama I can be – every single day. Even on days, where I am super deprived of my masala chai 🙂
When the misfit pieces of life’s brokenness come together and Life sees itself through the Light within, It then becomes art – a mosaic. I am learning to put the broken pieces together – one at a time.
Until next time,
“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain
In the field of hospital chaplaincy, one of the best aspects (among many) is that opportunities are presented continually that challenge the chaplain to go above and beyond the type of care he or she can provide to the patient, family and hospital staff.
Also, in hospital chaplaincy, you meet people with a whole spectrum of personalities and faith traditions. In all of this, there are certain encounters that leave an impeccable imprint in the chaplain’s life and the chaplain is no longer the same again.
I had the honor of meeting someone [let’s refer to the person as DEji] like that and get to know and serve DEji in the last few months. In the days leading up to DEji’s death, our conversations revolved more and more around Hindu philosophy. It was clear to me that DEji was convinced of the Soul’s Immortality – a core Hindu belief. DEji would be beaming with joy as we recited and meditated on the Shanti Mantra DEji had chosen at the beginning of the visit.
Little did I know that I will end up having the honor to conduct a Hindu Memorial Service to celebrate DEji’s life. I’ve always assisted with other memorial services at the hospital but had not put together a Hindu Memorial Service, let alone conduct it in a hospital setting. Saying that I was extremely nervous is an understatement.
I began reflecting upon my conversations with DEji and started jotting down notes as to how I envisioned a Hindu Memorial Service in the hospital sanctuary would look like. DEji had really made it easy for me to pick which scriptural verses I would use but I also had to design the service in a manner that would stay true to its Hindu-ness while serving the largely non-Hindu attendees.
I was able to design the service, design the service program and set up the sanctuary in time for the service this evening. I was nervous when I arrived this morning at the hospital but continually reminded myself to refocus and meditate internally on the chants and verses I had picked for the service. This helped a lot. So did the support and confidence exhibited in me by my coworkers and family.
I did not want to let DEji down. There is an inexplicable shift that happens within when one is in the presence of an actively dying person. DEji taught me a lot in the last days of life.
Almost two years ago to this day, I was very close to quitting Clinical Pastoral Education as I underwent something personally traumatic. That same day, I had been assigned to participate and decorate a (relatively) joyous occasion at the same place in which today I held my first Hindu Memorial Service.
As I picked up the rose petals two years ago, I was fighting with God. Oh, I was so angry. Today, two years later, as I picked up the rose petals, I expressed deep gratitude for the honor to celebrate someone as amazing as DEji, to be able to stand in a place of worship at a hospital and recite Shanti Mantras.
If anyone had said to me two years ago that today I would be able to pull this off, I would have definitely laughed. – not at the idea of it but due to the size of self-doubt I harbored within.
The Divine works in most amazing, incredibly surprising ways. I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to serve as a hospital chaplain, as a chaplain of the Hindu faith and as a Hindu chaplain. I am also deeply grateful for every single person who continue to support me in any way or form.
Until next time,
ॐ पूर्णमदः पूर्णमिदं पूर्णात्पुर्णमुदच्यते
पूर्णश्य पूर्णमादाय पूर्णमेवावशिष्यते ॥
ॐ शान्तिः शान्तिः शान्तिः ॥
oṃ pūrṇamadaḥ pūrṇamidam pūrṇāt pūrṇamudacyate
pūrṇasya pūrṇamādāya pūrṇamevāvaśiṣyate
oṃ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ śāntiḥ
That is Whole. This is Whole.Wholeness arises out of Wholeness. If Wholeness is taken away from Wholeness, Wholeness remains. OM Peace, Peace, Peace