Shama Mehta

So I am listening to Marasim, a ghazal album with vocals by Jagjit Singh and lyrics by Gulzar. The very first time I heard about it was when the ghazal ‘Shaam se aankh mein nami si hai’ came out in 1999. Being brought up in a home where all genres of music are played, I’ve also developed a liking for ghazals and this one definitely caught my attention. We got out and bought the album and have been listening to it every now and then.

I just realized that its been a decade. And what a decade it has been!! Most people who know me know that I am not a big new year’s eve and new year’s person, so
I don’t normally do a glance-at-the-past-year blog post. Yes, I tag along with the celebrations and yes, I dress up for it but does it mean much to me? No. But then a decade is a decade. Not time-wise. Its more like an event-wise issue.

As I decided to sit down (literally!) to listen to it with a warm cup of tea, gazing out of the bedroom window at the snow-covered trees and rooftops, thoughts flooded my mind. Thoughts of events from the past decade, each with a line or two from the ghazal that was playing at the moment. Here are some snippets (mostly for the sake of my memory and rest for the sake of a life-story):

Aankhon Ke Ponchne Se Laga Aanch Ka Pata
Yoon Chehra Pher Lene Se Chupta Nahin Dhuaan
The moments of realization as to how much or how little something or someone means to oneself. In most cases, there is a pleasant surprise factor. And others, well, the least said the better.

Der Se Goonjte Hain Sannaate
Jaise Humko Pukaarta Hai Koi
The times when you know you are needed. No one tells you that, you just know. And how you actually go out of your way to make sure you are there. There is little, if any, expectation of appreciation from anyone but you still do it because you want to and doing so will let you be at peace with yourself.

Sirf Ik Safha Palat Kar Usne
Beeti Baaton Ki Safaayee Di Hai
Oh the innumerable times, you would expect (or even desperately desire) answers in word form and get ‘the look’. The look means different things to different people. And wanting answers not just from people but Life, God, The Universe (however you want to refer to It).

Khamoshi Ka Haasil Bhi Ik Lambi Si Khamoshi Hai
Unki Baat Suni Bhi Humne, Apni Baat Sunayi Bhi.
I can easily say these are the most difficult moments. Silence. So much said and done in it. It does not necessarily mean a negative thing. The silent knowing that some bonds exist without the need for an explanation is a high.

Shehed Jeene Ka Mila Karta Hai Thoda Thoda
Jaane Waalon Ke Liye Dil Nahin Thoda Karte
The people who walk out of your life irrespective of your tries to keep them. You try. You do the best you can in the situation to keep them. And it just falls short. Definitely times when you stop, gaze up to the stars and hope and pray that this better be a good part of the Divine Scheme.

Waqt Rehta Nahin Kahin Chupkar
Iski Aadat Bhi Aadmi Si Hai
The changes that one’s life-story goes through. The hard changes. The easy ones. Followed by the okay chalta-hai types. The I-swear-to-God-this-can’t-be-happenin’ types. Changes, the only permanent thing in life. (cliched, I know, but true!)

Ussi Ka Eemaan Badal Gaya Hai
Kabhi Jo Mera Khuda Raha Tha
This is the probably the least emotional one. The breaking of an idealistic image. Shocking but necessary.

Din Guzarta Nahin Hai Logon Mein
Raat Hothi Nahin Basar Tanha
The times when you think there’s no one who gets you. There’s just no one who understands what you’re trying to say, let alone understand why you’re saying what you’re saying. The feeling of melancholy that comes with it, the kind that lingers around and pushes for introspection.

Dil hai to phir dard hoga; Dard hai to dil bhi hoga… ~ Gulzar