‘Cos I want to…

I realize I haven’t posted here in a while but that does not mean that I have not been writing. There are posts that are written but not published. Just ‘cos.

Things have been crazy. But then again, these are my life situations. Obviously they are going to be crazy. The dominating part of the change is the constantly changing dynamics of relationships in my life. I’ve had to do a lot of reshuffling in my mind to come to terms with the events that were transpiring in my life.

The biggest challenges have been emotional because as life would have it, I was not given a say in where a particular relationship is going. Let alone decide whether there was a relationship at all or not.

There are tears. Lots of them. Some are happy, most not and some chalta-hai types. Sometimes it feels like I am stuck in a rut where I will just have to crawl my way through. Going back to the decision-making process, apparently no one seems to trust my ability in it.

Do I have an answer for why this is the case? No. I do not know. Am I trying to figure it out? Yes. With all my heart. The funny thing is I know this feeling like I’ve been there before, only this time the intensity is lower.

Having said that, I refuse to be told how I should be feeling about something or someone. That is, and should be, completely up to my discretion. For with every passing moment, I am learning to be, to perfect my love…

Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is sadness, joy;
where there is darkness, light. ~ St Francis of Assisi

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