Birthday Reflections This Leap Day

20160229_211943-002Leap Day 2016. Monday, February 29, 2016. Happy Leap Year!

February is birthday month for yours truly. And this year, like every year since 2012, I have been trying to be more mindful of my feelings as my birthday nears. I am a bit amused that my blog post on Leap Day 2012 was short and focussed briefly on the concept of Time.

Leap Day 2012 – I was happy with where I was in life, both personally and professionally. I was convinced that I will be getting married soon, will be working for my favorite long term care organization, and will be pursuing my MBA.

Leap Day 2016 – None of the above has happened. I am single, working for a major hospital system, and pursuing a Master’s degree in a field I had never even considered before.

Leading up to my birthday this year, I was feeling a bit bummed. The struggle has been internal – not being where I thought I would be at this age personally. I think growing up in the culture from which I come, I already had a vision for myself of what my life would look like at this age – a good husband, a good job, good in-laws and the capacity to be able to take care of them and my parents as well. It is even harder at times to imagine what my parents have to put up with as they stand by me in my atypical life.

Professionally, my 2012 self could not, in the wildest of dreams, have dreamt that I would be working as a hospital chaplain. I feel so aligned with this work – it is almost as if my soul sought this out for me. The dimension it has opened for me especially in terms of understanding my own faith is second to none. The potential of this work and the opportunities to serve through it really excite me.

So back to my birthday – Every birthday, a ritual that I have developed for myself is to go through all of the birthday cards I’ve received so far since I was two. Yes, my aunt gave me a birthday card when I turned two. This annual ritual helps me appreciate all the love that those cards represent while also reminding me of people who no longer are an active part of my daily life. While that does sound sad, it is actually oddly comforting. It is as if all the loves in the birthday cards rejuvenate me and fill me up with gratitude.

While there are questions and personal doubts even, I feel a sense of peace within. The trajectory of life continues to amaze me. I intend to continue to remind myself of the awesomeness that surrounds me daily. I am convinced that I am not alone. I intend to be the best version of Shama I can be – every single day. Even on days, where I am super deprived of my masala chai 🙂

When the misfit pieces of life’s brokenness come together and Life sees itself through the Light within, It then becomes art – a mosaic. I am learning to put the broken pieces together – one at a time.

Until next time,

Namaste

“The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” – Mark Twain

 

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